The expectations of success in marriage have not changed. As we said, it is psychophysiological and normal for a person to believe that in their case, everything will be different. But nowadays, there is a more realistic awareness of “till death do us part.” Marriage is undoubtedly based on love, as usual, but other factors have a more decisive role.
This article was formulated as a practical study of the mindset of married Brazilian women living in any country other than Brazil to serve, I hope, as a map to any husband that doesn´t understand them.
It´s always the same story: “I married a beautiful woman from Brazil, and we were happy in the beginning. However, after our son was born, she changed. She started spiraling out of control, constantly becoming more and more paranoid, inventing jealousies, and accusing me of infidelity. One day, she exploded and called the police. She kicked me out of the house without any mercy, and one day, when I went to pick up my son from school, he was gone. She fled to Brazil.”
When asking a Brazilian woman why she gets married to a guy, the answer is not always (or almost never) because she is in love. Most of the time, the reasons are very basic and sad: not wanting to be alone, needing money, because everyone my age was getting married, because we have been dating for a long time and now it is complicated not to get married, and so on.
Undoubtedly, the motivation for marriage can be different between genders, upbringing, and nationalities.
On the other hand, excluding the widely accepted reason of love, one of the main motivations for non-Brazilian husbands to marry her as partners is the fear of being alone. Marriage becomes a way to alleviate feelings of loneliness and emptiness, serving as a kind of cure for those emotions. Additionally, another significant reason for getting married is the longing to create a home that embodies comfort and security, providing a safe and nurturing space for themselves and their future family.
With such frivolous and fleeting reasons, these marriages are likely to be dissolved in a few years. According to the Brazilian researcher Ailton Amélio da Silva, 30% of marriages do not last more than 10 years of union when the binational couple lives outside of Brazil.
Seven out of ten marriages with a Brazilian wife married to a non-Brazilian end within five years.
A woman under 30 years old and without children remarries about three years after separation.
If she has children, this time may be longer, around four and a half years.
“In a passionate expression, this woman lives with a constant feeling undervalued on several occasions, not only based on their gender but also as an immigrant. Furthermore, they reveal the earnest efforts they made to integrate, adapt to the local culture, and learn the language. Despite their dedicated endeavors, they lament that it did not seem to be enough.”
Indeed, the guilt always lies with the other, never with her, not even once.
This person emphasizes the constant struggle of having to prove their competence and worthiness in their pursuits, striving to gain acceptance and recognition, and it just fails.
A sign of the times or not, the motivation and requirements for a successful marriage have changed a lot. There was a time when eternal love vows were the almost exclusive motivation for nurturing marital success expectations, nowadays, the affinity of personality is mentioned.
And behold, that is precisely what you won’t encounter in this realm.
If you would like to discuss this matter further, please feel free to give me a call at +55 (11) 98433-5841 (WhatsApp) or send an email to email@example.com.